Observations about Social Life

One reason we watch new movies together

Why are people obsessed with new movies? There are probably many factors affecting it.

The other night, two friends (H and N) and I got together to watch some movies at home. I was looking forward to watching “Mad Max: Fury Road”, but found that the other two had already watched it. Ok, then we thought of watching “1408”, a 2007 horror movie, that H and I hadn’t seen before. We’d heard good things about it, but that plan got shot down because N had watched it when it was released. We tried re-watching “The Lego Movie”, but I had watched that dozens of times and H had too, so we were talking over the movie pointing out the various cool bits while N looked on haplessly. That wasn’t much fun. So, now we were running out of options. We saw the pilot of the TV series “Lie to Me” simply because H and N hadn’t, but I’d watched it before and it was no fun for me. Finally, after a lot of further trials, we watched “The Blair Witch Project” since none of us had seen that before.

In the end, none of us had had much fun at all. I would have been happy to watch “Mad Max”, but instead had to watch either stuff I’d watched before or some weak horror movie. H and I both wanted to see “1408” but couldn’t. N would have enjoyed “The Lego Movie” but couldn’t. Nobody really benefited. If we’d known it would have sucked so much, we would have agreed to watch one movie we had already seen so that somebody could enjoy it and then watch another that we hadn’t. Everyone would have been better off.

So, why didn’t we?

One unstated rule of watching movies with your friends or family is that you don’t watch a movie that some have watched and the others haven’t. It should either be a new experience for everyone or an old classic that you’re reliving together. Otherwise, you’re not all feeling the same things together - be it the thrill or suspense or comedy. Just knowing that the other person knows what’s coming next can dull the edge. Moreover, you’re imposing on those who’ve watched it by asking them to sit through it again. So, courtesy dictates that you choose something nobody has seen.

Also, I find that most people don’t like watching the same movies again. And even if they might do so when they’re alone, it won’t be a good return on time for an entire group. You only get together rarely (more so when you’re all older and busier), so it makes sense to pick something fresh.

So, the only real option as a group is to watch new movies. This is true even if the new movie is crap and you could have enjoyed some old movie better. There are just too many constraints to juggle.

You could think you might watch some old movie that none of you has watched. But, the more you diverge (as you get older and have a wider group of friends), the more unlikely it is that none of you has watched some particular movie. Remember, even if one guy has watched the movie, it’s disqualified.

So, for the sake of the group, you’re usually stuck watching new movies, which are mostly crap.

This might hold for songs too.

Modelling another Mind

I don’t think I’ve ever really modelled another mind before. I was more interested in analyzing my own mind or in understanding objects like books and computers.

For example, I recently tried seeing if I could help a spider catch mosquitoes by blowing them towards its web. It was fun. I could feel the mystery of “spiders” dissolving away. They were regular creatures. If a mosquito got stuck in their web, they pounced on it immediately, giving it a few humps and kisses of death, and carrying it away to a choice location for later consumption. You should see the industry with which these spiders went about their job - when a mosquito came anywhere close to their web, the game was on! I could imagine what was “going through the spider’s mind”.

Similarly, I bought a packet of biscuits and started giving them to every dog along the way back home. The first two were just sitting there, but the last one started following me. I gave it a biscuit and it just gobbled the thing down. Five seconds later, it was right behind me. I was a bit scared at first that it might growl at me and fight me for the biscuits. But, it was pretty docile. Four biscuits later, I tried walking through a giant puddle for twenty seconds and it followed obediently the whole way. That was quite fun too. Dogs are regular creatures too. I could sort of see its “thought process”: follow this guy and you will get biscuits; also, eat them quickly so that you don’t lose sight of him.

I found this so strange and novel because I’ve never had a pet. I’ve never really had to deal with another creature, be it human or animal. I kind of interacted with other people at a surface level for most of my life (or so it feels right now). I don’t think I’ve really tried to get into their heads and feel what they’re feeling. And yes, it’s strange that I have to understand this by dealing with dogs and spiders, but whatever. The thing is that it didn’t even take a great effort or reflection. I just tried to see what they were “thinking”.

All my life people have told me that I live in my head too much. That I’m not aware of the social situation or that I don’t care about other people. Perhaps it’s just that I’ve optimized for understanding books and programs and ideas rather than other people. (I’m not saying I’m great at these things, just saying that I suck at the other stuff.) And perhaps this is the solution: make an effort to model others’ minds.